Rhythms of Rest

Today something has been bothering me.  Time.  I align myself with the majority of the busy population of our bustling planet, who continually claim we just don’t have enough of it.  Today, though, I had some time – several hours, in fact, where the world was my oyster.  Many things vied for my attention, ranging from the ‘urgent-or-our-family-will-cease-to-function,’ washing, ironing and grocery shopping, through ‘help-I-won’t-have-any-lessons-to-teach-next-week-if-I-don’t-plan-them,’ to ‘yawn-I-need-to-have-five-minutes-peace-before-my-two-small-boys-return-from-school-and-talk-and-wrestle-and-need-feeding-until-bedtime!’  I didn’t know where to start, failed to do so and a familiar, out of control feeling began to erode my peace.

When I began to list the categories of things I wanted to achieve on that particular day (‘Things I have to do’, ‘Things I need to do’, ‘Things I choose to do that become things I have to do’ and ‘Things I want to do’), it became clearer why that ‘all under control’ feeling doesn’t come around as often as I’d like – especially when, in the midst of ‘already chaos,’ difficulties strike.  A short-term child’s illness or a longer term scary diagnosis can change my already plate-spinning existence into one where it all comes crashing down around me.  Things that are manageable, with reasonable chunks of time, feel overwhelming as I have to slot them into ever-shrinking ‘holes.’  How do I learn to live with an ever-lengthening to-do list that grows by three tasks as I knock off one?

I have to remember that I can’t do any of it without a bit of time out to rest and re-charge.  Jesus had to do that when he walked this earth.  The writers of the gospels describe him going off on his own, often, to rest, pray, re-connect with the Source of his strength.  If he had to, we should follow his example.  We must choose to stop, relax, be re-filled, rather than chasing the impossible rainbow’s end of a completed to-do list (I write this with twenty-five minutes until the school pick-up run, with the washing up from breakfast still in the sink, an Everest-sized washing pile cascading off the bed and class books that I was determined to get marked today, unopened!).

Sometimes we have to choose messy or last minute, in order to, instead, rest our bodies and organise the mess in our hearts and minds.  “Come to me,” Jesus said, “all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”  I’m glad he said that; I know it’s not something I would ever find on my own.