10 things that have changed about life with children now they are four years older than they used to be…!

A random ramble about motherhood...!

 

This morning I sent the boys upstairs to clean their teeth.  This may not sound like a very exciting start to a blog post, but I mention it because it is a new experiment. Usually I follow them up and clean Samuel’s teeth but now I am confident that he cleans his teeth well (on the whole) I am experimenting with giving the two of them a bit of independence.  “Oh good,” I thought.  “This could be the ‘it gets easier as they get older’ bit, where I get to calmly finish my coffee while they complete the requested task.”  Here is what ensued: arguing, pushing, tale-telling, one being whacked on the head with a bath-toy boat oar (you couldn’t script it!) and a wailed accusation of one ‘popping’ on the other one’s head!

I almost straw-polled my Facebook friends to ask the question: “At what age can you ask two small boys to go and do something and expect the outcome to even vaguely match the request?! I suspect the answers would be varied.  Similar scenarios must unfurl countrywide, as Mums and Dads gear up for the school run each day: “You expected me to get my shoes on…? What? You didn’t say…” “…Stop sitting on my brother’s head? That’s a key part of getting ready to leave the house at 8:30!”  Let’s not even begin to describe my work days when we all fall out of the door and into the car an hour earlier still!

 Amidst the stress of this morning’s school run, I found myself (by way of consolation!) compiling a mental list of the top 10 things I can do now, with a five-year-old and not-quite-eight-year-old that I couldn’t do four years before, when they were three and one.  Here it is.  I wonder what’s on yours!

1.       Accidentally snap a banana in half when providing it as a snack

This used to be a total no-go zone.  Our ears hurt all the way home when the above crime was committed mid car-journey once.  Four years on, wrong-shaped snacks are much more palatable! 

2.       Take a shower while they play, even when the husband is not at home

Only those who have experienced toddlers first hand will know how impossible it is to get a peaceful shower in the early years.  I’m not home and dry on this one.  My showers usually involve at least one of the following:

·         Arbitration in a passionate dispute over a Lego figure, where the injured party storms in and demands representation through the shower curtain;

·         At least one child co-ordinating their bowel movements with my shower time;

·         Me over hearing a heated dispute and yelling “BE NICE TO EACH OTHER!” from the shower so half the street can hear.

Still, some progress is better than none.

3.       Go food shopping without toddler tantrums

 

It is now a semi-pleasant experience.  Both walk next to the trolley and pick the requested items from the shelves for me. Mainly.  Unless it’s Aldi; then the shop is punctuated by requests for rugby balls, skateboards, neon, silicone rubber gloves (Samuel needed  them SO badly on one trip!) and discounted, bulk-buy random food items (darn the Aldi middle aisle!).

 

4.       Be stuck in a traffic jam

Four years ago: tantrums, screaming, exhaustion.  Now: I spy, car cricket, the shopping game and the rhyming game.  Much more civilised!  Unless the traffic jam is late at night and the word is ‘gone’ and ‘scone’ and ‘swan’ are already taken – (speaking from experience on our journey back from Oxford this holiday!) - minor regression to four years ago may briefly occur, but otherwise, all good!

5.       Go to a soft play and drink coffee and talk to other adults

Gone are the days of having to squeeze through impossibly-close-together, padded rollers or whiz down the most static shock-inducing slides you’ve ever experienced! They roam happily, inventing games with each other and their friends. It is actually quite relaxing and the same applies to trips to the park – but there’s still a part of you that finds a reason to go down the slide with them one more time.

6.       Not eat lunch at 11:30a.m and dinner at 5pm

There were times when even reaching 11:30a.m was an achievement.  Toddler routines are rigid and immoveable.  Perish the thought that dinner might be at 5:15!  Much better now the parameters are a bit (just a bit, mind!) more flexible.  Though don’t try this on a Friday right near the end of a school term when the “hangry” (hungry AND angry) child is more likely to strike!

7.       Sleep!

Oh yes, the return of sleep!  Glorious, predictable, through-the-night sleep! This is not to say that lay-ins have retuned (though you do grow to regard 7:15a.m as a decent lay in!) or that we don’t suffer from the occasional temperature, wet bed or nightmare about snakes/lions/wolves, but, on the whole, sleep is back!

8.       Bribe and negotiate

Try getting a one-year-old with a clamped shut mouth to eat its spaghetti bolognese – not a chance! Now tell a five or eight year old that it doesn’t get chocolate mousse / pocket money / to leave the table and play unless five more mouthfuls are gone, and Bob’s your Uncle!

9.       Collect them from the child-minder at the end of a working day without looking like the worst mother ever!

Aged 3 and 1, being good for a child-minder or nursery worker all day meant tantrums were saved up for me.  I had to perform what I call “the hot extraction” on many occasions – toddler under arm as mission to get shoes on flailing limbs was aborted.  Now, four years on, they say ”thank you” and “goodbye,” and climb into their car seats and strap themselves in! Phew, not a total failure after all!

And finally…

10.   Have the energy and mental capacity to pause and savour the moments and enjoy the crazy, funny, frustrating, ridiculous, and adorable moments that having children brings

Four years ago, I hated those posts (usually from older people with grown up children) that told me to enjoy the sleepless nights, sticky finger prints and interrupted loo breaks!  I used to mentally invite the authors of such pieces to come and try being me, with no sleep, at the end of my tether and “savour” anything other than a huge cup of coffee!  Four years on – I get them a bit more.  Time does fly. The small moments are precious.  Things have changed, as I reflect and look back. But they’re changing in a good way!  Memories have been built and are still being built, day by day.  There will be new phases and new moments to savour.  And I’ll savour them all the more, with all of the benefits described above, giving me more energy and mental capacity to do so! The toddler days were precious, but I love the age they are now too…and I hope I’ll keep loving each new stage as it arrives and passes.

 

Who knows what a post like this will look like in four more years from now, with a nearly twelve year old and a nine year old in tow!  Watch this space!  So those are my top 10 things that have changed about life with children now they are four years older than they used to be…let me know what yours are!